Maybe I'm a Loser, Maybe I'm a Rapper

Deep exhale. I'm home. Deep breath. I hunger for home, but never stay.

"Could I have been a parking lot attendent?" It's strange to picture yourself in the exact place that you are. Not looking back on my late nights in La Fortuna, praying for a bright eruption (taking for granted that I was at the base of an active volcano). Not looking forward on my upcoming internship at the heritage center. I guess this is the greatest thing I would change about myself: appreciating the now, understanding the then and I guess just being thankful for even the possibility of tomorrow.

But don't be fooled, this life has been beautiful, but I have given up certain things, sacraficed certain human attributes that are generally desired. I don't sit still. I don't even wait along enough to see what could happen. You told me I'd be thirty when I finally married, maybe in Egypt you said. Is that what I want?

I am back from Costa Rica. It's incredible to be with family again and see the best of the best in friends. I am a bit saddened by the surrealism of the whole experience. This always happens. I come home expecting people to want to hear my stories, to see pictures, to talk about the places i've seen. But it's not their fault, they kept living, their experiences are no less important than mine. It's just hard...

I'm leaving again, which I want, which I need to do. But I ask myself, why is there this need? What about me has me convinced that I am so entitled to all this? I guess I'm just hoping there is a greater...dare I say...purpose. It's been rad, epic, beautiful. But it's meant to be shared, and not just through photos and souvenirs.

That's my attempt at reflection, something that I have been trying to figure out how to do for a while now. Now that I'm back I'd like to make this whole buisiness a bit more frequent. To keep it going I'll add a music aspect. A song or an album I find interesting. Maybe the occasional idea as to how it would fit into a movie. I think that's what I want to do with my life, pick songs for films.

My sister played "Wednesday (contra la puerta)" by Mike Doughty for me the other day in the car. He sings my favorite song ever, a cover of "Real Love" and this song has the same sort of movement and sweetness to it. His lyrics are goofy which I admire. Give it a listen yourself:
Golden Delicious album by Mike Doughty on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3 Album Song Tracks

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and for added fun listen to "Yawn at the Apocolypse" by Andrew Bird...never has a song been titled so well. I will definately be using this song in an epic film.

Watch My Back and Light My Way My Travelin' Star

I have a little over two weeks left in Costa Rica. These past 3 1/2 months have flyed by. I'm now back in the capital working hard (or least trying to) on my final paper. Things are going relatively well with the project. I stressed myself out today by venturing into the land of statistics. I know that some sort of statistical analysis can only help my project, but I am terrible with numbers. Next week we give our final oral presentations and the next week we turn in our final papers.

I am happy to be back in the city. We've gone out several nights to see movies and to bars. I am really not a city person but there is something so energizing about San Jose. There is so much more to do and see in San Jose as opposed to the time I spent in La Fortuna. But there is also something very calming and comforting about the campo. I do miss my host family there, and the research I was doing. Tomorrow morning myself and three friends are heading to La Fortuna to enjoy it for the last time before we leave. We plan to hike, play in the waterfall and visit the hot springs. I'm super excited. 

Last weekend we went to Playa Conchal in Guanacaste. The beach is made of broken shells and the water is blue and clear. We also had the best hotel ever, Hotel Diversion Tropical. For $12 a night we had A/C, cable, private bathroom, and even a kitchenette! Forgive my excitement, but in comparison to the prison cell we spent Semana Santa in this place was luxurious. 

I have very mixed emotions right now. The Swine Flu scare almost resulted in me coming home early which put me in a weird place. It's like now we're all just waiting to go home. I am stressed about my paper, but not stressed enough to just get it done. I am also getting excited about the summer and reuniting with my family. We have plans to travel this weekend and the next, so I'm sure that with the time crunch I won't have much time to think about home-sickness. For now I am just looking forward to spending these next few weeks with this fantastic group of people. The ACM has the greatest staff in the world and I think I will miss them most!

This may be my last post of the semester. This has truly been an incredible experience. I have learned so much and have seen and done amazing things. I will be very sad to go, as each day I get more and more comfortable with my surroundings. 

con mucho gusto megan...

My little brother and father out in the fields of their finca. 

I am in La Fortuna de San Carlos! I am finally settled in my new home with my new host family. This experience is a 180 from my time spent in San Jose. My days are quiet, long, cool and often rainy. Instead of looking out onto streets and buildings my home is either engulfed with a cloudy mist, or I have a beautiful view of farms and an uncomfortably close (and active) volcano. I have yet to experience this wonder, but my family tells me that on clear nights you can see the flowing lava. 

I've completed around 15 interviews now, the majority in Spanish! I'm learning a lot about this extraordinary place and the people who have called it home for so many years. I am honestly at a loss when it comes tourism. While this industry has helped this community flourish, I get lost in the stories of the good ol' days: bathing in the aguas termales, parties in the forest, dirt roads barely suitable for passage by horse. The people I talk to have a nostalgia for this time, and yet "gracias a Dios" for tourism. 

It truly is a devil's bargain, but I have to be careful not to mistake this community with your run of the mill tourist town. La Fortuna is, in many ways, "the exception." While places like Jaco have given over to the industry, leaving many locals in poverty, La Fortuna has remained, largely, in the hands of the locals. Many of the businesses are owned by the same families who were present that horrific day in 1968. Over 80 people were killed as Volcan Arenal awoke for the first time in years. 68' is often referred to as the year that sparked it all. People from all around the world suddenly had a reason to come to this once sleepy farm town. The government, and locals, so potential in the beauty of this area, and today the changes are are marked all over the landscape.

But agency, agency is always the question at hand. Who's in control? What form has this control taken? The more I talk to people the closer I get to the true hea

rt of this research. I'm finding that with the changes in landscape the people have changed as well. And if not the people, at least aspects of their identity and ideology. One man told me that tourism in the area sparked a concern for environment that didn't exist in the time of his grandparents. Suddenly leaving the trees in the land as opposed to clearing space for cattle took precedence. What does this say about the worth of the land? 

And then...there are the tourists. Oh tourists....If I were more skilled in describing funny situations this blog would turn into an account of my observations of touristy shenanigans. I know that I am just as bad as they are, but being in the position of researcher in this town has given me the rare glance into insider observation. Perhaps what is most hilarious is the inability of a vast majority of visitors to understand that even though they are speaking English in a predominantly Spanish speaking country, the residents of this town are not idiots. I have heard tourists say such ridiculous, and often terrible things and regardless of the language barrier, locals understand. This is both hilarious and sad for me. It proves that we have a long way to go; a lot more to learn. 

But of course, I have also run into incredible human beings. I had a chat with a couple from Michigan in the park the other day. They were so lovely and their views on their roles as tourists were very forward thinking. I have a lot of respect for people, who regardless of their age and background, take the time to position themselves in the lives of others and do their best to be respectful and fair. 

Today was my host mother and father's 15th wedding anniversary, and speaking of lovely people, I could not have gotten more lucky with this family. They have been so wonderful and sharing this special day them meant so much to me. My host mother has gone out of her way to help me with my project, and i've had interviews just about half of my host father's 13 brothers and sisters. Living with a family who owns a hotel has also given me a very helpful insight. My family works very hard everyday and I don't know how they can be so patient with the tourists. Most of the people who stay here are perfectly kind individuals but some...

oh some...I have the occasional desire to peek my head out while they are having  a

 conversation and say "Oh hey...yeah, I live here with the family that you are talking about, and I speak english...so basically I just heard (and understood) everything just said." I would take far too much pleasure in seeing the embarrassment on their faces. But, alas. I control myself for the sake of my family. 

So needless to say, this is an incredible experience and I am learning a great deal. This weekend we are heading to Monteverde for some hiking and possibly some horseback riding. Next weekend I meet up with the other students and we give our first oral presentations on our research. It will be nice to see everyone! Tomorrow I'm joining my mom in her trip to Ciudad Quesada. She has a meeting with my brother's teacher and then we're going to a store so I can buy cowboy boots! I'm so excited! I've been taking lots of photos but only included some of my favorites in this post! Hasta luego!

At the waterfall in Orosci. We took a tour with this crazy local and each of us fell pretty hard at some point of the hike, but it turned out to be really beautiful!

It's so fun pretending I'm an explorer. My bed in La Fortuna covered in materials for my project: maps, books, compass...grandma glasses (ahem, please note the heart shaped mirror on my bed frame, haha, love it.)

didn't have a camera by my side this time...

...hoped that i would see the world through both my eyes.

I spent this past weekend visiting my soon-to-be new home, La Fortuna. My advisors family owns a organic chicken farm close to Arenal and they invited me along for a relaxing weekend. We drove through La Fortuna and we stopped to meet my new family. They own 8 cabinas and have a small farm. My father is a farmer and my mother runs the lodges. My little brother is 12 years old...it will be strange living with a little brother, haha. My mother seems very kind and it was obvious she was expecting me to know more Spanish, but, alas...tranquila...it will all work out!

We then proceeded to their finca (farm) where it was extremely cloudy and rainy the whole weekend. If you drive only 20 minutes away you are in dry heat. The weather in Costa Rica is so interesting. I went on a walk saturday morning and at times felt like I was walking through farmland in Ireland. It was actually kind of magical the way the clouds moved through the land and continuously exposed and covered different hills and forests. It's so incredibly green here. And the way the light plays off of the different plants and landscapes is breathtaking. Even though it's man-made, Lake Arenal is gorgeous. From the farm, when the clouds cleared, you could see the lake and the volcano. This is all so unreal to me!

After a weekend of sleep, reading and eating delicious arroz con leche (and struggling through conversations in Spanish) we drove back through Guanacaste. La Fortuna is north of San Jose and Guanacaste is even farther north. The farther north you go the more dry the land becomes. The type of plants change, there is less forest, and a lot of watermelon. I kind of felt like I was in Holyoke with all the farmland and golden brown grass. I only took one photo the entire trip as to avoid being too touristy amongst my patient companions. From the alto you can also see hundreds of wind turbines atop a far off hill. I thought this was such a gorgeous view. 

Things continue to go well! I got a valentine's day letter from my grandma in the mail today and it made my life complete! If you read this grandma thank you so much for being the greatest grandma in the world. I miss you too! 

I have one more week of Spanish class and then we leave for our research for the next two months. This week we are cooking traditional meals, performing dramatizations we prepare the script for and have an exam friday. I'm planning on going to the National Museum tomorrow, to a movie wednesday and out dancing after the movie!

Guanacaste wind farm

limon y sal

We took a field trip to the mountains (San Gerardo de Rivas) the weekend before last. It was a weekend of nature loving! We stopped at an organic coffee farm and helped dry the coffee and pick beans (I guess they weren't really beans yet).  It's an incredible process and as we were told, it is much better for the environment and people as it requires little to no water. 

We also went on several hikes and talked with a volcanologist about conservation efforts in the country. Costa Rica really is a beautiful country and it's efforts to move towards more eco-friendly living and industrial practices is quite noble.

 

movin' and dryin' some coffee 

A large group of us spent last weekend on the beaches of Cahuita. It was only a four hour drive from San Jose by bus. It's a relatively tourist driven area, but the beaches and natural

 reserve and beautiful. We hiked out to one beach that was basically perfect. The water was clear in comparison to other parts of the coast and there was no one there but myself and two friends. I fell asleep on my towel and woke up with a developing death burn, but within only two hours we saw a sloth, over ten monkeys and an extremely poisonous yellow snake. There were trails of leaf-cutter ants everywhere, which was a National Geographic worthy viewing experience!  

Cahuita...not my photo, but I'm almost positive I took this exact one :)

I'm spending this weekend (I leave tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m.) at my advisors organic chicken farm in La Fortuna. I also get to meet my next host family. As far as I know they own a small farm (with horses!) and an 8 room lodge for tourists. Living in La Fortuna and in a place connected to what I'm studying (Tourism) will be very valuable to my research. This weekend is just an introduction to the site. I'm going to take lots of photos and mark up a map to make sure I understand the area before I start my research. I'm so excited! 

I'm going to a ballet this evening at the National Theater in San Jose and then out dancing at a disco-tech of sorts. Then packing and venturing to the north!

I have started to collect looks

In the words of Mike Doughty...."ahh looks, aww man."

Just like the character "Drew" in Elizabethtown I have started a new hobby. I am a collector of the "you have no idea what I'm saying right now, do you?" look.  There are many varieties of this complicated face maneuver, however there are several guidelines that one must follow in order to achieve the correct perception of those of which this look is directed towards:

• It's essential that the owner of said look is speaking Spanish, otherwise this hobby would not exist. 
• The eyes most be open wide, as if one is attempting to communicate telepathically what is not understood orally. 
• In addition, and quite naturally, the eyebrows will raise high above the said open eyes. On some occasions, however, the eyebrows may position themselves closer to the eyes. This variety of said look is unique to my collection. 
• Said eyebrows must also move closer together, creating a overall feel of sympathy and concern. 
• The mouth must remain slightly open. Perhaps the audience is unaware that there is any sound being made at all.
• It is important to be aware that use of this look on a consistent basis can create wrinkles on one's forehead.

It is possible that as the semester progresses my hobby will consequently cease. However, if it is to continue I will have a wonderful and diverse collection by the end of the four months. 

Tranquila! No Preocupada!

La Fortuna: What I have to look forward too...

I arrived in San Jose, Costa Rica 4 days ago. The director of the program picked myself and two other students up from the airport in the morning and then took us to ACM building where our host mother's met us later in the morning. I met my family and spent the weekend with them. I have two brothers; both  are busy with work, school, their girlfriends, and the not so occasional cerveza. My host mother is so lovely! She loves to garden and has the most adorable little white poodle. I slept quite a bit during the weekend in some attempt to offset how overwhelmed I've been. I have enjoyed everything I've done so far, but am very uncomfortable with my language abilities. I feel so bad that my family has to work hard to help me understand the most basic of concepts. 

On sunday I went to the super market and appliance store with my host mother. She is taking gardening classes so we've been buying lots of plants for the front of the house. The plants here are so beautiful! This afternoon she put white and red rocks all around the flowers in the front of the house. Es muy linda! We also bought paint for the outside of the house on Sunday, but as far as I can understand she had to return it because it won't work during the rainy season.

We started Spanish class today and the ACM and met our ascensoras (advisors). The classes will be very helpful and truly are total immersion. I am learning a lot but am so frustrated that I don't know more. Everyone keeps telling me that after a month I'll be shocked that I know so much. I can only get better I suppose.

My advisor, Roberto Castillo, is a cultural geographer. He is very interested in the meaning behind landscape and specifically how tourism alters and effects that meaning. We talked for over an hour today and didn't really settle on a research topic. La Fortuna and the surrounding area is such an interesting landscape. There are so many aspects to study. He sent me some articles and I'm hoping they help me to narrow my topic. It's difficult when you are not studying tangible things like plants ad insects. Especially when you are working in another language!

Everything has been great! I am enjoying this experience even though it has honestly been the greatest challenge I've ever had to face. I think that it is very important to leave your comfort zone. I have felt alone while here, but it has only encouraged me to work harder to communicate with others. My mother and I had such a wonderful conversation yesterday. By the end I was shocked that I had understood almost everything. She is constantly telling me to not worry and to enjoy the tranquility of her home. I feel so welcome here, and she has worked hard to create such a comfortable environment for me. This is going to be an incredible and difficult semester, but I know by the end I'll look back and be overwhelmed by all the things I got to see, do and experience!

A Brother is a Brother Wherever You Go

I guess I do get restless. I always tell myself that I'm not one to crave change and new adventures. In fact, I often fear change. On the brink of any change, I find myself uncomfortable and worried. However looking back, the thoughts that spark any change are nothing but ecstasy. 

So what's my most recent precarious adventure? Travels and study in the small country of Costa Rica. This time last year I was stressing my second semester course selection. I guess I found it easier to leave school all together. I will live and conduct anthropological research in Costa Rica for the entirety of the spring semester: February through May.  I'm not necessarily afraid as much as I'm looking forward to this new experience. 

I am shocked to say that I am quite the seasoned traveler. I've  explored Germany, studied Global Warming in Canada on the Hudson Bay , dug Ancestral Puebloan ruins in the southwest, studied African American expatriate art in Paris, and excavated on a Greek shore. I was raised to believe that learning and growth can only happen through experience. I've never had the money for these experiences but have always been blessed and found ways to get where I wanted to be. Costa Rica is no exception: a new place in the world...somewhere that is not Colorado Springs. I love this city, probably more than most, but I don't like getting too comfortable. 

The possibilities for research really do feel endless, however my field of choice has created some borders. Anthropology is the study of human beings. While other fields dealing with people might look at actions and results, anthropology asks why. It's in the murky gray area of beliefs, ideologies, and almost anything else that we can't see or touch. This is why i love this discipline. There truly aren't any answers. You, as an individual, are the answer. Anthropologists have the unique position of both researcher and participant. I think it's integral to acknowledge one's positionality and influence in any research. People are always impressionable to some degree. 

I hope to focus my research on ideology. If all goes as planned my studies will fall under the title of "Tourism, Visual Culture and the Morphology of the Arenal Landscape." I would like to explore the ideology and treatment of the landscape surrounding Volcano Arenal in La Fortuna, Costa Rica. I like the use of the term "morphology" because it will help me to incorporate ideology and beliefs that transcend space and time. I hope to, through visual anthropology (photographs, video clips, pre-columbian artifacts, drawings, etc.), gain an understanding of the meaning of this landscape to people throughout time. I am most interested in the role of tourism on this landscape. Has Arenal changed as a result of this prosperous industry? How is meaning formed and how does this meaning vary for different groups of people?

I have so many ideas and have been reading several books on tourism and visual anthropology. While I won't know for sure what direction my research will go until I get to Costa Rica, I think I have a good start. I am extremely excited and nervous. The academic side of the semester has been distracting me from my other worries: will my host family like me? how will i survive this long away from home? will i fail miserably? Only time will tell. I have just under a month to work through all my worries.